I Smile not for myself, for others

Today, during the workshop, we were told to write a letter for ourselves. I wrote a long one, reminding myself that there is no one there for me. I smile for myself not for anyone. I am suppose to be happy for myself, not for anyone. I take it back. I take it all back. I was wrong. Damn wrong. I missed out someone. Someone important. I took him for granted. He is always telling me that I think too much. Asked me to cheer up so often that it makes me to feel guilty to even frown. He will grin and grin at me that I couldn't help it but to smile "Ooo...fake smile, fake smile," he will go on chanting until I will just give up. Nicholyn told me that I have changed. There's less smiles and somehow I have lost that certain "cheerful energy" that used to affect people a lot. He told me that he prefer the old and cheerful Joey. Why must I be down and unapproachable because I have one screwed up relationship that it seemed to be non-existent at all. Well, the so called soulmate of mine (I never believe in such bullshit, stupid that I once did) had found his love. Ya, congrats to you to FALL in GENUINELY love. No, I am not being sour. Just find myself realizing that I am so way behind her. I dun think I can properly love someone and give him what he needs. But I can learn. It is not about how many cards you made personally or how many things you bought for him. It's about the FEELING. I mean ya, you can grumble all you wan that you are encountering some relationship that is awfully one-sided. But to think about it, you can't be expecting someone who doesn't feel for you to reciprocate what you dished out. NO SUCH BULLSHIT! Things are not meant for you, it will not be. Ya, I am a much happier person now. Going back to my old life was cowardly. YES, SMILE! Not for the sake of smiling. Is from within. For everyone who is nice to me. My smiles are acknowledgments to all your kindness. Thank you everyone, esp Zhi Nan. I owe you lots. Mmm, I'll pay back in installments? =X Oh yes, I played bball today despite to doc's advice "no sports, light duties only." Ask me if I care. I wanna enjoy myself. Let those dark periods be history. They are not dragging me down. Never ever again.