I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kind of boring
Need something that i can confess

Till all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no, I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that'll like those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like were chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news
All the problems we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Got no reason
Got no shame
Got no family
I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything

Something that clicked

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

When I say something or do something I do it, I don't give a damn
What you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony

I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't
This fucking black cloud still follow's me around
But it's time to exercise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realise what you did, believe me you did

15th July was Hazel's b'day. And I almost forgot abt it. Let's see. Recently, I have been pondering. There are lots of things I can let go. Like the past, regardless if it is failed relationship or screwed up family matters or got to be stabbed by close friends. Hell, it does not matter anymore. In fact, I feel kinda powerful. With my own money, I got myself a phone (though is free as I sign contract but I pay my own bills lor...) a laptop, a bicycle and my cutest dog on earth. Is not like I got these things cos I saved up my parent's money. But through my own money that I worked for. Who, in my circle of friends at my age, pays for house rent and electricity? No one I know about. At least now I am given such responsibility. Kinda cool dun you think? (though it is stressful sometimes) Yeah, I feel kinda happy now cos I have almost everything I need, though there are times I see a group of friends going out together or a couple with lovey dovey make me feel kinda disheartening. But screw it, I want to be stronger and never regret for the rest of my life.

NO NO NO NO
I will never forget
NO NO
I will never regret
NO NO
I WILL LIVE MY LIFE

RAR!!! K, I am done. Bye!

Slack ar!

Today..ok, crosesd 12 midnight le. Yesterday, only one tuition so slack the whole day ar!! AHAHAHA! Nothing much i guess. Cheered up a bit. The day before yesterday was horrible. Couldn't sleep. Was so overwhelmed by envy that I could not even calm down and rest. Pissed that I dun have someone close to me, pissed that I seemed to always need to work my ass of to get money. But dunno why, i felt better. Maybe mood swing again. Mon student care was a bit hilarious cos of one of my students. He spelt "truck" as "truask" and "marker" as "market". Haha. My in charge wasn't going to pay me for my overtime..ah well. Amelia and I were staring at a thousand dollar note. The other student care teacher walked past and said, " Never see b4 ar?" Both of us were shaking our heads. Boy, my saving normally taken out using fifty dollar note. Of course nv see b4 la! Haha...got this crazy idea to take photo. Damn funny. Getting a bicycle soon! Yay! Got one last time cos of Nicholas' influenece but it got super rusty. Neighbour bought it for thirty bucks and I have not seen it ever since. Just need to take things slow. One baby step at a time. So excited! B-I-C-Y-C-L-E. hohoh..going crazy! WOOTS!

Blessed..unblessed..

Cruising through fb is proven to be a taboo for me. pple uploading photos of outing with friends, their relationships make me sour... makes me feel ugly. Someone mentioned that some people are just blessed for now and it isn't my time. I have lived for two bloody decades so when the hell is this so call "blessed moment" going to come? Damn, I am tired of being alone. I have issues. I dunno how to deal with them. Dunno what to wear for my sec sch gathering. have not seen them for like 4 yrs? Freaking out. Bloody hell freaking out. I shall not use the F word anymore. Fuck it. Ooops, i just did.

Hate being so nice

Sorry if I sound like a hypocrite. But i am pissed for being so nice. Doing pple favours with no returns. Maybe I am just being erm....I dun even know how to describe myself. Maybe I should learn how to say no but there are favours i can find no reason to turn down, neither do i have the heart to turn them down. Taught two lessons of maths today. Lots of people on the train was staring at the green slippers i was wearing. I know, it kinda looks like bathroom slippers. wearing it makes me feel like i can tread water. Caught up with john to play squash today. Kae Luen was too lazy to get his butt out of his house. Stupid army. So watch uncles play squash. Then played with uncle Thomas...god, I must be getting fat and slow and stupid..played like shit. Haiz..must train liao lor. Sis was being a bit of a retard. She dun wan to have junk food for dinner so she got me to buy Old Chang Kee's curry and other wadnots...junk food eh...mmmm....playing with hazel. See you tmr.


I know my toes are unglam...hell..the whole leg looks unglam.