Tuesday, May 29, 2007

First time that playing bball makes me depressed

Today, my classmate brought his gf along to play bball and she does not know how to play so teach her la. The girlish laughter,the attempts to shoot, the uneasiness she has cos she did not wear any shorts beneath, makes me feel like an orge. Then when playing game, I cannot snatch her ball. Why so? Cos if i were to snatch will make me looK like rogue. As the game went on, when I shot some hoops, she says "joey is so cool la..can shoot so well". She turns to my classmate(her bf) to say "i think i dun like you liao..i like her better" Something within me snapped. SHe makes me feel that I am not a proper gerl. Is not beocs of wad she says. Is like comparing me and her as a gerl, she seemed to behave more properly than i do. She makes me feel like monster. Could not fit myself properly into the gender division. I AM A GERL? WHY DO I DUN FEEL NOR BEHAVE LIKE ONE? WAD IS WRONG WITH ME? True that everyone is unique..I am one who is totally offcourse...

Oh crap, went home to pang sai, bath and sleep for 1.5 hours . Went online to talk rubbish and emo-ing again. Rush through the squash design..geez..it looked bad..

The front...see the distorted human up there?
The back..the word really a bit "squashed"

Monday, May 28, 2007

Bleach Song

Oreta awai tsubasa Your fragile, folded wings

kimi wa sukoshi aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa are just tired from the pure blue sky

mou dareka no tame janakute You don't have to force your smiles for anyone

jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo It's okay to smile..for yourself

izen toshite shinobiyoru kodoku That lonely feeling keeps creeping up on me

uchigawa ni tomaru rousoku A single candle burns still inside

nigiwau ba ni koukana chandaria to wa urahara ni There shouldn't be an expensive chandelier in a wild place like this

tarinai kotoba no kubomi wo nanide umetaraiin darou Can I really bury it all with empty words?

mou wakaranai yo I don't even know anymore...

semete yume no naka de jiyuu ni oyogetara As long as we can swim freely in our dreams

anaa sora mo iranai no ni we won't need that sky anymore.

kinou made no koto wo Even if you can't let go of the past

nulitsubusanakutemo asu ni mukaeru no ni I'll still be there to meet you tommorow

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Where is your heart?

Small cat: Eh? Where's ur heart?
Big cat: Can't feel meh? Oh ya..I lost it...man, it feels empty *close eyes in agony*

Friday, May 25, 2007

I cannot think of a title for this

Lol...I borrow Shrek's ears from Gabs

Mmmm...today not bad a day ba. Wait, I change my mind. Bad day...nvm. I start from the top.

It looked like a day for me to chiong GP in preparation for tmr but then the devil took over and with some "help" from my classmates, I pon lecture!!! Ahahaha, but..but..but I did pen down some notes. Learnt a new game..nay, this time is not sports. I learnt bridge!!! AHAHAHA!! I know la...I a bit slow ma.. Quite addictive. Maybe is becos beginner's luck ba...I only lose in one game. We like have our butts stick on the comfy seat of MAC and I was fooling arnd with Gabs' Ipod and her Shrek's ears. Played for like 3 hrs then everyone got really sian. We started to debate where to go. Jamie had an appointment with her friend so left with me, yap huat and Gab and Jia Qi.

Me and yap huat, " GAB'S HOUSE???"

Gab,"NO!!!! I HAVE TO PACK MY HOUSE!!! MY DOG VERY FIERCE DE!!!!"

Yap Huat,"PLAY MAJONG LA!!!"

Gab,"HUH...MOVE THE MAJONG THINGY(I forgot what the hell they mentioned) TO THE CLUBHOUSE AR???"
They started quibbling for like 5 minutes ? And I was half listening to them talking abt having three player majong...then I blurted,

"I DUNNO HOW TO PLAY MAJONG!!!"

Everyone was stopped and Gabs was like " JOEY! YOU PRO LIAO!!! ENDED UP WE ONLY HAVE TWO PLAYERS!!! WASTE 5 MINUTES OF OUR LIFETIME (@.@..I have no comment on that)) EVERYONE GO HOME LA!!!" Surprisingly, I did not hear her yell,"NEH NEH POKS LA!!!"
The situation was funny like hell...then I suddenly decided to go home pang sai...I know la..I very random le.

Reach home pang sai le then do housework. I pestered her to get me one of those Shrek's ears for Youth Day. =X Mum reached home and the usual cycle repeated again. Scream here scream there scream everywhere. ZZZZ...tired of this shit le la..haizz...spoil my entire day. Wad will my holidays become? I am so not looking forward to it. Trying to get my friend to go out..maximise my time out of the house. He always gimme negative answer leh...haizzzz

Thursday, May 24, 2007

30th NY student investiture

Was watching the 30th student council de investiture...they used the Bond de victory...somehow reminded me the song my batch of council back in sec sch used to march in...thinking back, it is quite cool.. here it goes.. Believe me by Fort Minor

Guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

I don't want to be the one to blame
You like fun and games
Keep playing em
I'm just saying
Think back then
We was like one and the same
On the right track
But I was on the wrong train
Just like that
Now you've got a face to pain
And the devil's got a fresh new place to play
In your brain like a maze you can never escape the rain
Every damn day is the same shade of Grey

Hey
I used have a little bit of a plan
Used to
Have a concept of where I stand
But that concept slipped right out of my hands
Now I don't really even know who I am
Yo, what do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free and
What ever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

[chorus]
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

Back then, I thought you were just like me
Somebody who could see all the pain I see
But you proved to me unintentionally

That you would self-destruct eventually
Now I'm thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt
But it's not gonna work
Cause it's really much worse than I thought
I wished you were something that you were not
And now this guilt is really all that I got

You turned your back
And walked away in shame
All you got is a memory of pain
Nothing makes sense so you stare at the ground
And hear my voice in ya head when no one else's around
What do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free and
What ever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

[chorus]
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

[chorus]
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

Do what i have to do
You're on your own now believe me

What ever happens to you
You're on your own now believe me

What do I have to say
You're on your own now believe me

It's not gonna happen to me
You're on your own now believe me


Darn Week

I dunno la..have been surviving on kaya buns and ren bean buns this week which is darn pathetic. Let's just get this straight..I am freaking broke. Students not having lesson so not receiving any cash la. Feel darn weird to suddenly ask money from my mum and free loading from my sis. So not my style. Quarrels abt finance again..can say is frequent for this week. Very frustrating for my mum to be two sided. First when I teach tuition she keep s asking to quit it to concentrate on studies. Now that I have not taught for two weeks and have no cash, she keep stressing how much money she has to spent on electrical and medical bills...come on la.. I have been paying my own school fees, transport fees, pocket money, books and other shit. She made it seemed that I have not done a shit. Calling me a beast which is cold blooded and does not understand her problems. Darn it!!! Is like living on my own..honestly I dunno wad is love..in fact I have not felt it before. Was very embarrased when my students were making Mother's Day card (paiseh..that is donkey days ago) and asked me to edit their grammar. WTH la..the sentences are all from their heart. Even if the english is that bad it is still fluent. I cannot even bring myself to say those sentences they wrote. I just dun feel belonged to the family. Everyone is minding their own business..worse off than living in a hostel. I am looking forward to living alone in a cozy apartment with two dogs named "PEEKA" and "BOO".....ya, just me and my dogs. I am nobody's gerl..too ugly, too tom boyish, too stupid to be..

Sunday, May 13, 2007

I AM DARN DEPRESSED!!! DUN ASK ME WHY!!!


Dreams destroying my sleep
How can hurt reach so deep?
Waking up is so much effort
Sleep is a luxury I can't afford

Depression overwhelms my soul
Deep darkness, a big, black hole.
Sadness eats its way through my heart
Where does it end, where did it start?

No one understand this pain
Nothing to lose. nothing to explain
Lost in a neverending maze
Every moment just a dizzy daze.

Why does it have to be me?
If only the future I could see
Afraid of shadows in the dark
Will I ever make my mark?

Unseen tears flowing from my heart
I must go on, play my part
Life has to continue for today
Living my life, come what may

To know that I'm not the only one
Helps a little, but it's no fun
Even God seems oh, so far away
Who can brighten up my day?

So tired of fighting this feeling
My mind just spinning and reeling
I hate these pain I have to take
MAkes me feel my life is just a fake

What can I do, where can I go?
Stumbling around, to and fro
Wondering when this will end
Isn't there an angel he can send?

Not much more to say for now
Just wondering how, how, how
Again pulling myself together
Hoping that this won't last forever..

Friday, May 11, 2007

Mmm

You are a Buff Girl!

You've got a boomin' body and a fearless spirit.
Most guys have trouble keeping up with your energy and fitness level.
Competitve and fun loving, you're up for almost anything.
Make sure you pick a guy who doesn't mind getting beaten by a girl!

What Does My Sleeping Position Say About Me?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.
Shy and private, you yearn for security.
You take relationships slowly.
You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

Insane..

Whoa..today 5 hrs of basketball..darn shiok..got a little bit of sunburn but still cool. Wished I can play longer though. Very emo today so this is my shortest blog ever.. Haizzz, wad the shit I am feeling now?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

不管你是否迷信,这篇文章都应该读一下,好吗?

祝福≈≈≈

我不会给你钱,因为我没有。
给你生活的忠告:
多吃些粗粮.
给别人比他们自己期许的更多,并且用心去做
熟记你喜欢的诗歌
不要轻信你听到的每件事,不要花光你的所有,不要想睡多久就睡多久。
无论何时说“我爱你”,请真心实意。
无论何时说“对不起”,请看着对方的眼睛。

相信一见钟情。

永远不要忽视别人的梦想。
深情热烈地爱,也许你会受伤,但这是使人生完整的唯一方法。
用一种明确的方法解决争议,不要冒犯。
永远不要以貌取人。慢慢地说,但要迅速地想。
当别人问你不想回答的问题时,笑着说“你为什么想知道?”
记住那些敢于承担最大风险的人才能得到最深的爱和最大的成就。
给妈妈打电话。如果不行,至少在心里想着她。

当别人打喷嚏时,说一声“God Bless You”。

如果你失败了,千万不要忘记汲取教训。
记住三个“尊”:尊重你自己;尊重别人;保持尊严,对自己的行为负责。
不要让小小的争端损毁了一段伟大的友谊。
无论何时你发现自己做错了,竭尽所能去弥补。动作要快!
无论什么时候打电话,摘起话筒的时候请微笑,因为对方能感觉到!
找一个你爱聊的人结婚,因为当年龄大了以后,你会发觉喜欢聊天是一个人最大的优点。

找点时间,单独呆会儿。

欣然接收改变,但是不要摒弃你的个人理念。
记住,沉默是金。
多看点书,少看点电视。
过一种高尚而诚实的生活。当你年老时回想起过去,你就能再一次享受人生。
相信上帝,但是别忘了锁门。

家庭的融洽氛围是难能可贵的。

尽你的全力让家平顺和谐。
当你和你亲近的人吵嘴的时候,试着就事论事,不要扯出那些陈芝麻烂谷子的事。
不要摆脱不了昨天。
多注意言下之意。
和别人分享你的知识,那才是永恒之道!
善待我们的地球。
不要愚弄自然母亲。
忙自己该做的事。
不要相信接吻时从不闭眼的伴侣。

每年至少去一个你从没去过的地方。

如果你赚了很多钱,在活着的时候多行善事。这是你能得到的最好回报。
记住有时候,不是最好的收获也是一种好运。
深刻理解所有的规则,合理地更新他们。
记住:最好的关系存在于对别人的爱胜于对别人的索求之上。
回头看看你发誓取得的目标,然后评判你到底有多成功。
无论是烹调还是爱情,都用百分之百的负责态度对待,但是不要期求太多的回报。

因为陌生,所以勇敢,因为距离,所以美丽。

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Really ma? Continued

You Are Pretty Happy

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life.
But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it.
Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career.
Something is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is!


Man, I feel like shit these days, but true, I have great friends and whole bunch of crazy classmates whom I contaminate rabies with...lol...CHEERS TO 0702 and great friends from 0715!!!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Really ma?

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.
You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.
The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase.

You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.
You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.
Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't!

You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors.
Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor.
You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.

Monday, May 07, 2007

My personality..Quite true though

Artisan (SP)

You are both grounded and flexible. You adapt well to new situations.
You are playful and free spirited - but you are also dependable and never flaky.

You don't do well in conservative, stuffy situations.
It's probably very hard for you to keep a normal job or stay in school.

You are always up for fun and adventure. Most people are too boring for you.
You take risks and bend the rules. And if things don't work out, you chock it up to life experience.

In love, you tend to take things quickly - but you have a huge problem with commitment.

At work, you need to make your own rules. You're best suited to be an entrepreneur.

With others, you are animated and physical. You prefer doing something with friends to just hanging out.

As far as your looks go, you tend to be buff and in good shape. Your spend more time on your body than your clothes.

On weekends, you need to keep active. From cooking up a storm to running a 5K, you wear yourself out.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

WTH

Can't be bothered abt calligraphy..damn it like as if I HAVE interest in it. It is a bullshit activity, writing dammn chinese words. Go for the damn competition just to compare who writes better. SO what if you can write? In this society art is just something to be looked at and not smth that you can feed urself with. Big deal, I dun wan to write. Dun allow me to have sports in secondary school, fine, it is in the past. Now? NO WAY!!! You wanna mess with what I wanna do, clip my wings and restrict my movements. I'll scratch your eyes out, accompany me to be handicapped.

AND BTW, I SHAPE MY OWN LIFE . TOO BAD IF I AM NOT WHAT YOU HAVE WANTED OR EXPECTED. GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE. THIS APPLIES TO ANYONE OUT THERE, ESPECIALLY MY DARN MOTHER. STOP COMPARING SOMEONE ELSE WHO HAS THE LOOKS, THE TALENT WITH ME. YOU YEARN TO HAVE OTHER'S QUALITIES IN ME. FORGET IT, GO SNATCH PPLE'S DAUGHTER OR GET ANOTHER CHILD URSELF. I CAN'T BE BOTHERED. WHO AM I NOW IS MOSTLY YOUR FAULT!!! BUT I CAN'T BOTHERED..I LIKE WHO I AM NOW!!!

I have been too nice. Time to feel my wrath. Experience the true side of me.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Just a reflection

I rarely miss out any sunrise. Wake up when it is still dark and prepare to go out to school or teach tuition as the sky gets brighter. Though the sunrise is beautiful and unique everyday, somehow I always feel the same feeling that things will go wrong each day. Have been sleeping at late hours like two o'clck in the morning. Nay, I am not complaining. Is only staring at the ceiling...that's why I slept at late hrs.

Can feel my body breaking apart bit by bit but I dun care. I wanna get really sick in order to rest. I cannot bring myself to rest. I cannot stop working. I dun wan all the thoughts to take over and leave me depressed and hating myself.

Can feel my soul corroding off as each day ended with a disappointment. Eventually what it is left is just an empty shell. A human who has no hopes of life. A human with no emotions.

I want a shorter lifespan. No point for me to linger on. I wish I could will my heart to stop. Let go of the last breath and finally I can rest. It will be a death with regrets and unfulfilled dreams but at least I am released from all the pain and sorrow that are always trailing behind me, chaining me down.

Friday, May 04, 2007

What kind of tarot card I represent?

You Are The Chariot

You represent a difficult battle, and a well-deserved victory.
You tend to struggle to get what you want, both internally and externally.
You excel at controlling opposing forces, getting down the same path.
In the end, you bring glory and success - using pure will to move forward.

Your fortune:

There is great conflict in your life right now, either with yourself or others.
You must find a solution to this conflict, which is likely to be a "middle road" between the two forces.
You posses the skills to triumph over these struggles, as long as your will is strong.
You are transforming your inner self, building a better foundation for future successes.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Something I really learnt

Genius

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: "So you believe in God?"

Student: "Absolutely, sir."

Prof: "Is God good?"

Student: "Sure."

Prof: "Is God all-powerful?"

Student: "Yes."

Prof: "My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?"

(Student is silent.)

Prof: "You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

Student: "Yes."

Prof: "Is Satan good?"

Student: "No.

Prof: "Where does Satan come from?"

Student: "From...God..."

Prof: "That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?"

Student: "Yes."

Prof: "Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?"

Student: "Yes."

Prof: "So who created evil?"

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: "Yes, sir."

Prof: "So, who created them?"

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: "Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son... Have you ever seen God?"

Student: "No, sir."

Prof: "Tell us if you have ever heard your God?"

Student: "No , sir."

Prof: "Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelled your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?"

Student: "No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't."

Prof: "Yet you still believe in Him?"

Student: "Yes."

Prof: "According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

Student: "Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: "Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has."

Student: "Professor, is there such a thing as heat?"

Prof: "Yes."

Student: "And is there such a thing as cold?"

Prof: "Yes."

Student: "No sir. There isn't."

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: "Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: "What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?"

Prof: "Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?"

Student: "You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light.... But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker,wouldn't you?

Prof: "So what is the point you are making, young man?"

Student: "Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed."

Prof: "Flawed? Can you explain how?"

Student: "Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life; just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

Prof: "If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do."

Student: "Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: "Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?"

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?"

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: "Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor'sbrain, felt it, touched or smelled it?..... No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures,sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: "I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son."

Student: "That is it, sir.. The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive."

That young man was ALBERT EINSTEIN.......