Just a reflection

I rarely miss out any sunrise. Wake up when it is still dark and prepare to go out to school or teach tuition as the sky gets brighter. Though the sunrise is beautiful and unique everyday, somehow I always feel the same feeling that things will go wrong each day. Have been sleeping at late hours like two o'clck in the morning. Nay, I am not complaining. Is only staring at the ceiling...that's why I slept at late hrs.

Can feel my body breaking apart bit by bit but I dun care. I wanna get really sick in order to rest. I cannot bring myself to rest. I cannot stop working. I dun wan all the thoughts to take over and leave me depressed and hating myself.

Can feel my soul corroding off as each day ended with a disappointment. Eventually what it is left is just an empty shell. A human who has no hopes of life. A human with no emotions.

I want a shorter lifespan. No point for me to linger on. I wish I could will my heart to stop. Let go of the last breath and finally I can rest. It will be a death with regrets and unfulfilled dreams but at least I am released from all the pain and sorrow that are always trailing behind me, chaining me down.