Slack ar!

Today..ok, crosesd 12 midnight le. Yesterday, only one tuition so slack the whole day ar!! AHAHAHA! Nothing much i guess. Cheered up a bit. The day before yesterday was horrible. Couldn't sleep. Was so overwhelmed by envy that I could not even calm down and rest. Pissed that I dun have someone close to me, pissed that I seemed to always need to work my ass of to get money. But dunno why, i felt better. Maybe mood swing again. Mon student care was a bit hilarious cos of one of my students. He spelt "truck" as "truask" and "marker" as "market". Haha. My in charge wasn't going to pay me for my overtime..ah well. Amelia and I were staring at a thousand dollar note. The other student care teacher walked past and said, " Never see b4 ar?" Both of us were shaking our heads. Boy, my saving normally taken out using fifty dollar note. Of course nv see b4 la! Haha...got this crazy idea to take photo. Damn funny. Getting a bicycle soon! Yay! Got one last time cos of Nicholas' influenece but it got super rusty. Neighbour bought it for thirty bucks and I have not seen it ever since. Just need to take things slow. One baby step at a time. So excited! B-I-C-Y-C-L-E. hohoh..going crazy! WOOTS!

Blessed..unblessed..

Cruising through fb is proven to be a taboo for me. pple uploading photos of outing with friends, their relationships make me sour... makes me feel ugly. Someone mentioned that some people are just blessed for now and it isn't my time. I have lived for two bloody decades so when the hell is this so call "blessed moment" going to come? Damn, I am tired of being alone. I have issues. I dunno how to deal with them. Dunno what to wear for my sec sch gathering. have not seen them for like 4 yrs? Freaking out. Bloody hell freaking out. I shall not use the F word anymore. Fuck it. Ooops, i just did.

Hate being so nice

Sorry if I sound like a hypocrite. But i am pissed for being so nice. Doing pple favours with no returns. Maybe I am just being erm....I dun even know how to describe myself. Maybe I should learn how to say no but there are favours i can find no reason to turn down, neither do i have the heart to turn them down. Taught two lessons of maths today. Lots of people on the train was staring at the green slippers i was wearing. I know, it kinda looks like bathroom slippers. wearing it makes me feel like i can tread water. Caught up with john to play squash today. Kae Luen was too lazy to get his butt out of his house. Stupid army. So watch uncles play squash. Then played with uncle Thomas...god, I must be getting fat and slow and stupid..played like shit. Haiz..must train liao lor. Sis was being a bit of a retard. She dun wan to have junk food for dinner so she got me to buy Old Chang Kee's curry and other wadnots...junk food eh...mmmm....playing with hazel. See you tmr.


I know my toes are unglam...hell..the whole leg looks unglam.

Here's something to start with

I have been grumbling to my colleagues how bad my memory has gotten. it is kinda frightening to me to realise that i couldn't remembered what i did last week, where i had been and etc etc. i used to be able to do so when i dragged till the following week to write down what i had done. So for now, since i have my own laptop, i shall TRY to blog as often as possible. Too tired to write diaries. Let's just say that past few months feel hazy to me. Worked in an orthodontist clinic, recruit express and recep...and tutor, somewhat becoming full time. barely meet up with people, except liang liang, steph and recently nicholyn, who moved next block to me. Sultan disappeared..somehow. Stupid army.

Listening to "airplanes"....Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now. Wish right now.....over and over again.

Dunno is it because of PMS or wad..i have been pondering a lot. One of my student's mum has passed away due to illness..his hw got affected. The thing is that I have no problem to committing to his work, make sure he catch up and stuff. But something happened today at the tuition centre. A kid who had the same lesson with him at the tuition centre I am working asked, "Where is *****'s mum?" the teacher was trying to change the subject by chiding her for digressing from her work. I tensed up, he answers every qn that is posted to him but there were silence from him. What pissed me was the stupid student asked again, "does ***** have a mum?" i almost got up my seat and went over to ask her to shut up. Then, the teacher explained, "everyone has a mum. his mum got ill and went to heaven." My heart sank, worried. I really dun wan to see that kid's face when he left the classroom after class. Instead, when it was end of lesson, i saw him grinning at me, "Hey! teacher joey..wad u still doing here?" I dunno to be relieved or should I be crying.

Went to nicholyn's house, got to know her neighbour. Shame on me for not knowing my neighbour though i have been living in tpy for 6 yrs as compared to her 4 mths. Again, family with problems that makes my heart ache. Mum and dad divorced. Mum went to jail cos of dad. Drug paddling I heard. Mum dun wan the child and grandma, strickened by cancer is, ironically, the one looking after him. He is eight this yr and his grandma almost gave him up adoption. Wad pissed me again is that the mum does nth at home. Grandpa hunted down by loan sharks. the kid has no one to turn to. i dunno. I was thinking, thinking, thinking when i was showering. Should I adopt the child? Damn...I am foolish eh? I can't even survive myself..how to look after the kid?

I want grow up fast..adopt kids instead of bearing one of my own. Wad's the point? Having a child when there are others who need help? Overpopulating indeed. Maybe I am just being naive...or being impractical and stupid again. I may even not being a good mum at all. God...why am I thinking abt such things now? Dizzy spells again...shit. I dun feel well.

Move on bitch

The title is meant for myself, not anyone else (if you are reading this and u are affected by the title, it means u are guilty of smth). My blog has been a flop all along. Posted nothing but emo songs that mean nth but break up. so count with your toes how many relationships I've been through. Sucky man..i have pple yelling at me, " CHILL! TAKE IT SLOW!" Yea, you guess it, i never listen. I mentioned before, i shitted on my A level papers so true, results came back like shit. No way I can get to uni (optimists, shut ur trap now, I TRIED!). So now currently work at a tuition centre. No goals or motivation to do anything still, most likely going to NYP to do up a diploma and continuing to squash. Facebook has been a devil to me. It shows me how pathetic I am, someone with no life cos my photos is like crap. Pple going overseas with friends, going out with friends, tonnes of photos, people having super mushy photos and wall postings (make me cringe and feel sour). I have been working, falling sick, sleeping, working, falling sick...blah blah blah. Barely go out. Bloody hell. You can say I lack of something, something that enables me to connect. To be honest, I dunno wad i am talking abt. Sigh, guess the only thing i can do now is to concentrate the task at hand which is...erm...mmm. I dunno. I feel ugly (being ugly is a different thing) and so, I shall hide. Peace out!