I am scared chicken shit

I fear too much.. I fear everything. I looked tough but I am weak inside. I am totally lost now..my compass got messed up..my mum dunno why I was really upset. Ok, maybe partially. I fear loneliness. Ya, I cried at every night when I was sec sch. I was utterly lonely. School and home were no refuge for me. I was just lost. But I did not really panicked. I was only depressed. When i converted to christian, I had friends around me. I finally found friendship. It brought a bad thing along. It let me realised how bad loneliness could feel. It was feeling cold and empty inside. It was awful. I couldn't shake it off.

This afternoon, I was in good mood. met nicholyn at the canteen. Yay! Got pple to stone wif le..but they got PE. Good thing my OG mates around. BUT they left for drinks, photocopy stuff, talk and catch up with old schmates. I tried to occupy myself but as time went by, I panicked. I AM LONELY!!!! I noe is a weird thing to feel but i fear. I fear my past. The awful feeling and those crying to no one and screaming soundlessly at the walls of the bathroom every night. I got moody and the tuition wif the P1 kid made it worse. He reflected me of my pri sch days. At points of time during tuition, I stared into space wif those nightmares of being ignored and bullied verbally dancing b4 me. My family did not give much attention when I mentioned it to them.

Now, i reachd home. NY teacher called. Ya, the school allowed me to continue calligraphy but under the LEP programme. China studies and such.. I was like wad?! I have no interest in that. I wanted badminton. Wanted it for years. YEARS!!! Cos of that stupid calligraphy.. I HATE IT!!!
I am really depressed. Is like getting where i started from. I really relied too much on my friends. I forgot how to be lonesome which is bad. I have become brittle. Without friends around I panicked. Is too much. Having dropping real deep into friendship hurt me too much
. I fear..to protect myself, I better keep my distance. I dun wanna be hurt.

Haizz...sianz

When my mum says, if you dun wanna study tell me, I would normally say forget it la. I will never stop my studies. But..but..but...cannot stress the but enough...after today's lesson, I was like saying forget it la.

BAnzai was the word that popped into my brain. I was hopelessly stoning in the two lecture theatres. The first reason was that my darn neadache giving me problems again. And secondly, i totally dun understand wad the teacher was talking about. Bio...the teacher drone on and on. No, not the boring kind but somehow like a sub automatic machine gun. Of course, occasionally she rested by asking if we could catch up. Of course, very few people responded. The "NOs" were much louder than the "yes". Then again, she chose to ignore the NOs and continued. Then on and on again, I was trying to stay awake. TRYING!!

Next is the maths lesson. That one even worse ar. I stared ahead wondering wad was going on. Fell asleep lor..then wake up to COPY. Finally lecture finish le...drag myself to canteen makan. As usual, finished quite fast. Stared at the rest eating, wondering when it was the last time I ate so slow. Hehe =X.

After school went for bible study with Xiu Chun. I nearly fell alseep. Me and nicholyn snooze for a while after a study of a chapter. We walked around "discovering" cute stuff and went to Carrfeur to see see look look. Nua3 home after that.

Best part was that my student slept in front of me!!! Haizz...what is going on? The weather also la...too tempting le. Haizzz...I wanna sleep!!!

I learnt something

Happy moment-praise GOD

Difficult moment-seek GOD

Quiet moment-worship GOD

Painful moment-trust GOD

Every moment-thank GOD

Orientation Day 4 ( FLAG DAY )

I am pooped!! Today we do flag day together...lol I recommended to go Toa Payoh where more money can be collected. The whole group split into 3 group with one OGL attached. Kelvin attached to my group so I led my group to the market near my place. Lol, so nice to introduce everyone to my nieghbourhood. I stationed myself at the walkway to the market. I take the end where pple walk towards the maket. Guan li take the other end where pple walk from the market. I happen to be the one in the sun so pple sort of "took pity" of me and donate lor. Got one uncle put in a lot of shillings.

What really happened was that I switch place with guan li and I saw this old woman has problem with her wheelchair. I helped her set her wheelchair and due to the slope along the walkway I might be well help her all the way to the community centre. Paiseh..I pushed a bit side track once..

We gathered and took bus 73 back to sch. Our collection weight is 7kg and there are 15 of us...mmm..not bad..We took photos and I had to rush off..haizz..gotta teach tuition.. Smile!!! GOOD JOB EVERYONE!!!

Disco Night! ( Orientation Day3)

Wooo..got disco night..muahahaha everywhere you see is pple wearing black..my favourite colour. Eh..I sort of forgot wad we did in the morning nor afternoon but all I remembered is that we had loads of fun. I think we played the remaining games in school. Oh ya, Jenson had his skin coming from his sole. Ouch..iI had my share too. Who asks us to run around bare footed? Kinda finally know wad is the meaning having friends. Everyone get crazy together.

Before disco was the anti climax part, eh..we ate very weird dinner. Not everyone even started on their food. Me lar..as usual hungry like hell but the food tasted kinda bad that I still have 勉强 finish le. Geez, what to do? I had heard too much of," You know ar..pple in Africa starving lei..you sit down here still complaining. Dun even know how lucky you are..." Haizz..looks like guilt drives pple sometimes eh?

We had cheering and skit competition b4 the disco night. Our group I think got the best skit. Everyone cheered like doomsday...OGLs YOU ROCK!!! Here comes the disco night part...dunno wad had gotten over me..dancing like mad woman. I did a lot of boogies with shermaine and man everyone was jumping jumping and JUMPING. I felt I had grown a little taller and lost quite a bit of calories. WEE!! GET HIGH!!


VERY TIRED LIAO LA>>tmr still got flag day...zzzz

Sentosa!!! (Orientation Day 2)

Lol...cool. I have been wanting to go Sentosa throughout the December holidays but dun have the time. Teaching and more teaching. Nvm..heck. So today we learnt cheers and my OG more bonded. Everyone mingled and somehow I could not bring myself to sit back and watch le. Deserve to give myself a try right? Besides I have been sick of being alone for years. So we happily hiked around sentosa and my OG very 搞笑..we only cheered at those stations we won. I made a stupid maths error by saying 666+6+6+6=702..lol I squared the 6. Haizz...T.T still A maths gonna be A1..Gone case liao.
At one station, we were supposed to build the widest sand castle to win. SO what did we do? Easy, get a stick and draw out the biggest boundary can le and pile up 5 inch sand along the line can le. Haizz..the game like no point lor.. BUT FUN LEI..can play on the sand like kids again. We counted ourselves lucky le cos we went through almost of the station before it started POURING. I really mean it when I say POURING. The wind and the rain very shiok. Can say stand outside for 5 secs and can @.@ through le. My OG created BIRD MAN!!! I was laughing my stomach out. We took a group photo before we siam.
Went to VIVO city for the first time with Nicholyn. Could say that the food court were flooded by NY JC1 students. I was like WHOA! when I stepped into VIVO. LOL..I will surely get lost. Pass me a compass please, I need to find the MRT. =p

First time in Nanyang (Orientation Day 1)

Zephyr-OG29 is where I belong...
First time stepped into Nanyang..slope..zigzag to canteen...find nicholyn. I dun feel like primary one kid la but erm...ahya, something like that la. I at OG29. Got three OGLs, Kai Bing, Kelvin and Joanne. Haha, Joanne is the one who is very high one, lol. The front part of the day quite sianzzz...talks and more tlaks but heck la, admin stuff come first ma. Fun part leave it later ba. But I 心疼 my butt. Looking around my OG not that bad..quite proportionatela. Gerls chio ones...T.T sadzz ar..guys not bad la. Everyone sooooooo quiet except the Catholic high guy and the Chung Cheng guy. Mmm..maybe they already good friends. They laugh a lot and the gerls was "....." so Is it there stone. Maybe I will sit back and observe. Played wacko and some kind of hold your hands and run game which I dunno the name. Quite fun la. See? Leave the fun part for the last. Must be optimistic. Is a new year and new school. Time to wipe out my old self which dragged myself into a deep pit.