New year...I hate it before it even starts

So wad I have achieved in 2009? Nothing. Wad have I lost? Tonnes man..ok, my weight fell (dun laugh), some of my confidence, my self-esteem and my optimism. Ok, I may have found an awesome job...erm, maybe throw in getting to know more friends who are like on and off. See? I am skeptical from the start. The end of 2009 was a total crap business. Shit holidays, no work, makes my life suck. Is like everyone going out with their clique, with me walking past them from work to home. Struggling to find food to fill my tummy (why struggle? no appetite, yet I am hungry BUT I dunno what to eat.) That suck, then plong myself in front of the com munching, trying to find funny videos to laugh it off. Sounds like some nerd. Mum's out with jason. Sis gone with friends (ah ya, leave me alone<-------that's her parting "happy new year" to me). Hazel was nuaing like a carpet, poked her also no response. She offlined herself from me. A new friend of mine racking his brains thinking why I hate my life so much that I have to work my ass off in order not to think about it. Try spending time solitude in festive days. I'll see if you start emoing. Can't wait monday to come quick. I WAN TO WORK!!! Fucking new year to me. Resolutions? I shitted on my A levels script last months so I expected shit on my cert also. See how it goes. I'll weigh my options. Go RP for my fav course or try to geng to get into uni (what are the odds man?) I have no resolutions, seriously. Do I need one when none works out cos of my sudden sense of hope which turned out to be a mockery to me? Nay...I dun think. I have enough of being "normal". Ah yes, I need a new mask for my work. My emotions are too raw on my face. I want a mask that is unreadable.