我放弃了对爱的期望

爱了不该爱的人, 心中满是伤痕.
犯了不该犯的错, 心中满是悔恨.
尝尽了生活的苦, 找不到可以相信的人.
感到万分沮丧, 甚至开始怀疑人生.
早知道伤心总是难免的, 又何苦一往情深.
因为爱情总是难舍难分, 何必在意那一点点温存, 要知道伤心总是难免的.
在每一个梦醒时分, 有些事情我现在不必问, 有些人我永远不必等.

Bukit Timah NatUre Walk

Having to really sit down and ponder about the Bukit Timah Reserve Nature Walk this afternoon. I realized how little I was aware towards the environment. I was expecting just another “Jalan Jalan” session in a park like when I was in a secondary and primary school. So, I was thinking, might as well grab a notebook and pen down notes that were interesting so I could actually look back in future for reference. Our guide was a volunteer, Uncle Johnny. Not that kind of handsome hunk that I pictured. He was a very nice elder who was very patient towards our ignorant questions. Our tutors mentioned on the bus that if we had any questions, “ASK THE GUIDE! DON’T ASK US!” Well, they studied a different branch of biology from the guide.

Uncle Johnny pointed us on the map of the reserve. The map showed how fragmented is our precious rainforest. It is so small yet highly impacted. I could not believe the number of species in this small spot is more than that of North America. For my group, we took the green route. Bukit Timah Nature Reserve is a tropical rainforest. The soil is basically hard and clayey so the roots of trees go out of the soil. Plants are modified for survival. The leaves of the plants in the rainforest have drip tips so rain drops will not be collected. As a result, algae will not grow and prevent the leaves from carrying out photosynthesis. The roots of the tress are buttress roots so they can anchor to the soil. Along the trail, we spotted a lot of interesting plants. Here are some examples:-

Centipede ferns. Well, as the name suggests, from the top view the stem of the plant did look like centipede.

We walked past a very tall tree (hundred times of my height but I am short) with very even diameter throughout the whole tree. You guessed it. It is Sepui, Red Dhup tree. People from the past decades had no proper building materials so they used its timber.

We too came across rattan plants. I was quite surprised that it looked different from what the markets sold to parents to “maintain order” of their children. But to think about it, it is kind of scary if they were to use the rattan with spikes.

When coming across red leaves, I used to believe that it was just the leaves lacking of green pigments. But according to uncle Johnny young leaves have different colour protected. The red pigment can also protect the young leaves from UV light. Think about it. How about using them as our umbrellas? No, ended up killing more trees.

Here is one of my favourites: The leaf litter plant aka the Kiasu plant. Why is it so? Plants, unlike animals are rooted to the ground and have to share available nutrients with the roots of other surrounding plants. This amazing under storey plant is an unbranched treelet with long, narrow and spirally arranged leaves that traps falling leaves. As the trapped leaves decompose, the nutrients released are absorbed directly into the plant for its growth. Talking about Kiasu, we Singaporeans get things as much as we can right? Just like this plant!

We came across animals like a monitor lizard. Wished I had a tongue like its. I spotted three squirrels and a very huge ant which is around the size of my thumb.

After walking for like forty minutes, we had reached the summit! We took photographs there and walked our way down again. The way down somehow refreshed my memory once more. I will be going there again to thoroughly enjoy nature all over again. Going in groups can be a little too noisy sometimes.

A message from one when I was really down.

我,我为你付出所有的
我的担心,我的甜蜜,我的呼吸
你的笑绝对的神奇,你的哭绝对的可惜
因为你让我明白生命的真谛

可知道你的不小心会让我伤心一辈子
我是愿意为了你今生永不渝
为我,你要好好自己保护自己
慢慢的学习,不要干着急
一步一步走出每一个谷底,坚定不移
为我,你要好好自己保重身体
在每一段的路,总会一身污泥
心肝宝贝,不要怀疑最爱的就是你

你,你是我一生的唯一
你的声音,你的鼓励,我的意义
如果没好好的身体
你,我怎能永远在一起
外面的风和雨已不是问题
你永远是我的心肝,而我已不是你的宝贝

Yay!!! One week goes like this

Since tomorrow, it'll be Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday again.
Look at Wednesday, and Thursday they'll turn into Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Let's go for our everyday dreams.
Let's go again!
Since tomorrow, it'll be Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday again.
Look at Wednesday, and Thursday they'll turn into Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Let's keep living enjoying ourselves.
Let's continue!
♪ ♪ ☆ When Monday begins, everyday I pine for the distant weekend.
When it becomes Tuesday and Wednesday, I get a smiling face.
Am I having cramps?
I realize that Thursday is fair and important.
I haven't decided on tomorrow's night plans so I'll think about it on Friday.
I'll go and break the wall of freedom
I survive everyday with a cloudy mind while we continue working our butt off.
If this walking heart gives up, we'll go at ease on our defeat ♪ ♪ ☆
It can't be helped now, I still have a lot of things to do, and this feeling is defeated
In one day I get 4 hours of sleep
Everyday this physical strength is poured into becoming an adult, what does it mean?
The exterior still looks nice, but I'm older than 35 years already
What kind of face we will have?
Are we going to become good-looking adults?
I survive everyday with a cloudy mind while we continue slowly and nicely.
I won't give up someday it'll be necessary for a drop of water to pierce a rock.
♪ ♪ ☆ Everyday is a repetition
There is not a place to go.
This feeling goes over and over,
It turns to be dizzy
Everyday is like swimming
But when I get discourage, I laugh and laugh to make myself merry once more.
Let's go again! ♪ ♪ ☆

I Smile not for myself, for others

Today, during the workshop, we were told to write a letter for ourselves. I wrote a long one, reminding myself that there is no one there for me. I smile for myself not for anyone. I am suppose to be happy for myself, not for anyone. I take it back. I take it all back. I was wrong. Damn wrong. I missed out someone. Someone important. I took him for granted. He is always telling me that I think too much. Asked me to cheer up so often that it makes me to feel guilty to even frown. He will grin and grin at me that I couldn't help it but to smile "Ooo...fake smile, fake smile," he will go on chanting until I will just give up. Nicholyn told me that I have changed. There's less smiles and somehow I have lost that certain "cheerful energy" that used to affect people a lot. He told me that he prefer the old and cheerful Joey. Why must I be down and unapproachable because I have one screwed up relationship that it seemed to be non-existent at all. Well, the so called soulmate of mine (I never believe in such bullshit, stupid that I once did) had found his love. Ya, congrats to you to FALL in GENUINELY love. No, I am not being sour. Just find myself realizing that I am so way behind her. I dun think I can properly love someone and give him what he needs. But I can learn. It is not about how many cards you made personally or how many things you bought for him. It's about the FEELING. I mean ya, you can grumble all you wan that you are encountering some relationship that is awfully one-sided. But to think about it, you can't be expecting someone who doesn't feel for you to reciprocate what you dished out. NO SUCH BULLSHIT! Things are not meant for you, it will not be. Ya, I am a much happier person now. Going back to my old life was cowardly. YES, SMILE! Not for the sake of smiling. Is from within. For everyone who is nice to me. My smiles are acknowledgments to all your kindness. Thank you everyone, esp Zhi Nan. I owe you lots. Mmm, I'll pay back in installments? =X Oh yes, I played bball today despite to doc's advice "no sports, light duties only." Ask me if I care. I wanna enjoy myself. Let those dark periods be history. They are not dragging me down. Never ever again.

Resolutions and post reflections of 2007

I've seen my chances come and go
how they escape me I'll never know
I've had the answers there in my hand
I just didn't understand

Now lady luck has smiled at me
and given me another try
to meet up with my destiny
to find a way to fly

I wanna do something right
for once in my life
before it's too late and I give up the fight
Gonna bury my fears and save a few tears
because I did something right

I see you standing there by the door
I get the feeling we've been here before
Watching emotions like runaway trains
we shouldn't miss again

I don't wanna sit back waiting
as I watch my ship go by
tomorrow won't wait for you and I

I've seen my changes come and go
how they escape me I still don't know
I have the answer here in my hand
now that I understand
I handle my own dreams
No one is going to take them away from me